The following tips & strategies were designed to help parents and families living with an individual affected by oppositional defiance disorder. As you scroll down, you will see we have provided useful tips that may work with certain individuals, and for others, different strategies are required. 

• Build a trusting relationship with child.
• Clearly establish rules and behavior expectations.
• Establish provisions for students to cool off – allow them to go to a quiet place in classroom or visit with a counselor to calm down.
• Keep your cool and stay calm (anger from an adult can fuel an angry child).
• Don’t show negative emotions to the child’s behavior. That just reinforces it. Either ignore the child’s negative comments, or calmly hand out the previously established punishment for the infraction.
• Head off fights before they happen Do not engage in discussion with an out-of-control brain (yours and the child’s). Wait until tempers have abated.
• Use a timer to encourage positive behavior. Tell a student privately that you will give her a sign when she is behaving inappropriately.She will have a certain amount of time to correct her behavior before she receives punishment. An hourglass works well because it minimizes the impact on other students.
• Decide how you will respond to problems before they occur. A planned response is more likely to be reasonable than one made in the heat of the moment.
• Give more choices: Since control is what defiant children want, give it to them by offering more than one choice (positive choices): “I can give you a detention or we can talk about why what you did was wrong. Which would you like to do?” “I listen to disagreements at lunch and after school. When would you like to share your side of the story? Choose reasonable punishments that actually teach a lesson, and that can actually be reinforced.
• Find something positive to praise and focus on it.
• Reward flexibility and cooperation.
• Closely monitor behavior during transitions and unstructured activities. Use brain-dead phrases – phrases that let the child know they you’re not going to be manipulated by arguing with them and that you hold them responsible for their behavior: “I understand” (said with sadness), “I’m sorry you feel that way”, “It really doesn’t matter”, “good try” (with a little smile)
• Keep in close contact with family

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